2022 The Big Ticket Cabernet Sauvignon Napa Valley 750 ml

Please enjoy this exceptionally true and very-not-at-all completely fabricated story of how we secured this wine participation.

The key to this secret stash was said to lie with the eccentric owner of one of Napa's most famous wineries. We can’t tell you the name—we'd have to kill you afterward, and the paperwork alone isn't worth it. Let’s just call it Château Enigma. The owner, Josephszoon Van Goyen—again, the paperwork—was said to guard his barrels like a dragon hoarding gold, or like we guarded our dwindling stash of decent bourbon.

Getting an audience with Van Goyen was a Herculean task involving flattery, bribery, and a significant amount of groveling. After countless emails and phone calls, we finally got the nod—a golden ticket to his fortress of fermented dreams. The call came at 2 AM from a voice like gravel in a blender, inviting us to taste the “true spirit of Napa.”

We arrived at Château Enigma as the fog rolled in, the vineyards cloaked in a mystery thicker than our hangovers. Van Goyen himself met us at the gate, a wiry old man with eyes like polished marbles and a grin that could curdle fresh milk. He led us through the labyrinthine cellars, past rows of barrels marked with cryptic codes and dates stretching back decades. The air was a heady mix of oak, aging wine, and a hint of something illicit. The wine was a testament to the soil, the sun, and the sweat that had gone into its creation. It was transcendent, a liquid symphony that played on our palates.